we are not enemies, but friends..

I just saw one of the best movie of my 26 year of life... it goes by the name AMERICAN HISTORY X... it moved me.. it made me think.. strong enough to fill the heart with grief.. sure it has a one of the best performances by edward nortan.. but the story just make u heavy.. the message is loud and clear.. hatred is baggage.. lose it.. its no good being pissed off all the time.. we all become angry and we find some thing or some one to blame it on.. but then as it is said are we asking the right question?.. the right question is did we do any thing to make life better? for us and for the people around us???

God knows i have done my share of mistakes. I have been selfish, and i have been angry.. i have broken hearts.. and i have given pain in return of love.. i repent.. i repent every day.. and i shall till the day i take my last breath...

"we are not enemies, but friends. we must not be enemies tho passions may have strained. they must not break our bonds of affection. the mystic cords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be by the better Angels of our nature"- Abe Lincoln....

i hate them...

sorry about the language below.. but im madddddd!!!!.....fuck**g enuchs.. these bastards.. come into my country and and fuck with our lives... and the government is enuchs.. nothing better.. i waanna anihalate the whole source of these tension.. kashmiris wanna freedom let them take it.. let them live in a economy which cant even providee them with one time of food.. im infuriated.. im angry... im mad enough to go to the opposite side And nuke their life out.. and our 500 year old p.m says to keep peace.. i have one question.. "are u out of ur mind??".. they holled up tow buildings in us and they removed 2 counteries from the map of US.. and what do we do.. just pary for peace.. i say fuck you!!!... u dont have guts enough? then move out.. i want some one with enough "balls" to let the otherside remember where they stand.. the leaders may belive in peace.. i belive in retalition... go be dammed.. if worse comes i will go and fuck them as well as u leaders.. ur nothing but wote bank politicians.. bloddy morons all u want is power.. and u use them against us.. if u have enough guts then show it agianst the one who dare to voilate our houselimits.. u morons enough of eating free food.. i know 70% of india elects u on the basis of free dood and drinks.. but the change is enevitable.. u may or may not remember what it was like to be naive... be cautious.. coz its me who warns u... change doesnt needs centutries to take place.. it happens in blink of eye.. sweet dreams...

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

born with "gear" in my mouth....

This is a post after months.. the tittle of the blog is what i said to my dear friend after getting super happy... it was an answer to the question when he asked what im gonna do in future.. well i was born that way.. and with all the craze going on about managment degrees, im immuned to that.. i may get into a one of those "MBA" colleges but i will surely fail, every year after that and in every subject.. because "i was born with a gear in my mouth".. he he he he....

well im a man of numbers and logic.. i like to know how things work.. not manage them... physics books were and still are comparable to my all time favourite fictions.. im an engg.. can feel it in my veins.... i sleep off as soon as some one starts talking abt economics, credit and debit.... so this blog is three cheerss to all those guys and gals who were, are or going to be what we call Engineers......

Life!!!! do we know IT??????

well...
im not writing this coz some day some one will see it.. those are not my intentions... the last one i wrote was only viewed by the people whom i told abt it.. soo naturally i dont have any hopes on this one.. im writing it coz it helps me sometimes to write down stuff when my heart and mind are full of thoughts... and mine are right now... so here we go...

many a times i have felt that we think that we are capable of some thing when actually we are not!!!
we think and plan and think some more and look at it from a broader prospective and say it may be hard but in the end i wil come out a winner.. well, every one is a winner in a broader prospective.. on our death beds we hardly have any doubts or regrets.. (not that i have been on one.. :) )... its the tiny small details which we over look can kil us.. those small small problems which come up.. those seamingly innocent questions which we didnt accept... those tiny objections raised by important people.. its not that we dont overcome that.. some times it takes a small portion of time, other times they stretch.... its just the persistances with which they attack u thats kiils ur moral.. u ward off one another comes up.. in my eyes a better fighter is not some one who kiled a huge giant but a persone who stood his guard and stopped one tiny enemy after another for a infinetly long time.. most of the time its not the strenght but the stamina which counts... so ask yourself before u prepare for a war.. do i have that stamina??? how long can i take it?..

well i have asked the question and found out that yes i have.. when ever u are at the rock bottom, think of the sky u will see after pushing the earth aside... that one short visison will make u continue for a very very long time.... have faith.. in urself, in ur plans, and stategies, in ur co warriors and in that broader prespective when u said i can come out a winner....

and while all this goes on dont forget to enjoy the life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a little hallucinations

Well this is hw it all started..

one fine evening i get a call to come to my freinds house for a treat of magic mushrooms... i being a creature who consumes any thing and every thing under the sun which makes ur brain do summersalut grabed this oportunity on the first invite. By the time i reached there after an hectic day of work the bread was ready with jam and hot tea with lots of sugar was boiling on fire. Firt impression was a disaaponting one... for they are not fresh healhy mushs plucked and ready for cooking.. they were these dried messhed up bunch.. which will kill all ur apatite on the first sight.. adment as i was i went ahead.. placed close to a dozzen between slices of bread and pushed it down my neck.. for those of u used to other forms of poision this could be a little strange.. coz its not drank,smoked or injected to give u instant kick.. mushs being protein will take time to dijest... for first half hour came very close to beleiving them to be fake.. but i was not so lucky.. slowly it grips u.. the back of the head becomes heavy enough to hold straight.... u start laughing for no reasones at all... infact the people around u have more fun than u do.... as the clock ticks u could be scared of things as innocent as a riding helmet for u can see demons inside them... movement is difficult and proportions change with ur position.. on standing on ur both feets(which is whole lot diffrent expereince.. he he) the ceeling will come very close and people will grow taller.. a clear room may be smoke filled... sense of times is lost.. one hour will seem like a whole day and stuff done hours before could very well come become a part of sweet nostalgia.... finaly i decided to take a trip up a spiral staircase to the roof.. we purposely didnt turn on the lights... i cant describe the trip up to the roof.. only thing i can tell u is that i would have never been able to make it till the top of the stairs all alone,not even with my body movements in proper co-ordinations.. once on the top the hallucinations started.. well the faces could be seen stairing at u from the trees and the distance to the ground is conceived verry much acheiveable in one step.... after some 5 hours of nothing but pure bliss.. u become nostalgic.. and i mean really nostalgic.. coz i remembered the time when i was around 2.5 to 3 years old.. ( i later confirmed the memories with my mothere).. then sleep became the rarest of all metals... some hw i convinced myself to sleep.. in between i took a long walk in serach of coke, buts that an alltogether diffrent story for some other time....

a word of caultion for some one trying to do magic mushs.. dont heat them in any form.. that will spoil them.. do them in dark or isolated place.. and keep good music handy...see u till the next time... cheerrrrsssss