gorakhpur to gainesville...

its -2 degrees outside in gainesville Florida and sky is cast with clouds.. whoever said it doesnt gets cold in florida didnt had his facts straight... was born in gorakhpur a "not so big" town of hinterland of uttar pradesh, a place with existent rules and law but not a single soul who follows them.. truly in a wicked cool sort of way "a land of free".... so u understand why i laughed my ass off when i learned that pedestrians have "right of way" in this country.. i had to make very huge attitude changes once i landed here...

Indians dont get depressed, its because we always have company.. there you search for solitude, here u search for company... i was a loner in my teans and early twenties, and became a social animal by the time i hit mid twenties... i loved to just sit on the door steps alone for 52 hours of train ride in those days, with a peaceful serenity and solitude of the countryside passing by.. right nw if u will tell me to do that i will probably just throw myself outside of that moving train.. on a second thought may be not... gist of the matter-"people change."

this small time america is far from hustle and bustle of banglore where i lived for the last 8 years.. and when i think the number of people i have met and forgotten during those times, just humbles me down... sure this town has clubs and bars and all sort of entertainments for the young and vibrant, but i miss the laid back attitude of banglore.. i miss walking down the downtown on sunday afternoons to meet freinds for food, drinks and other stuffs.. there i always had people around, somebody was upto something always.. here u have to make plans and call people and check with them and they will probably open ther schedule books and then tell u "ooh, ya i can do that..

I miss that totally indian concept of just showing up.. i ment just show up to a friends place.. give a knock and see if anybody is in.. if they are, its just great.. if they are not find another door to knock.. no plans to make, no schedule to follow.. just pure fluidity of life without a plan... thats hw i use to live life and may be there is this tiny bit of spark of hope inside which tells me that i will get there again.. till that time, i will just have to deal with those dammed schedulers and date books...

Till the next time I start loosing my mind again.. :)

keep on rocking...

RAAT KE MUSAFIR....

well.. i wrote something here.. which was good.. but it got deleted somehow.. I'm just trying to remember what i wrote.. it was good and inspiring.. unlike me.. off late i have begun to think why am i living.. I'm sorry if i only write about me.. but i cant help it.. its my favourite topic... this blog if any one reads it could be called as the best self centered blog.. but then.. is int it that all the humans have a feeling of self importance?? (else they wont bother writing a blog..) its just a wish to tell people what we did.. or how we did.. or how we feel.. but its all about our self.. any way i am straying away from a topic.. i planned to say that i loved this movie called gulaal.. go watch it if u haven't.. and do wait for credits to roll, because then it has the best song of the movie called "raat ke musafir tu bhaagna sambhal ke, potli mein teri hoo aag na sambhal ke.. " adios..

an inspiration..

whats an inspiration? it can be described by a million people by 100 of ways each.. i being a narcissists only talk about myself.. for me inspiration is a persons hatted towards me.. we all make choices.. we make choices which we know are wrong.. which we know will hurt some one who loved us a lot.. we make choices that make the most important people in our lives abhor us..

for me that detestation is an inspiration.. for me that scorn in the words of a human being who is the most important person in the world for me is like gasoline in an 1000 bhp engine.. i m a creature who lives on misery and hate.. I'm not a sadist nor a masochist.. Im just some one for whom making a decision is tough.. but keeping is NOT... may u have all the help u need in ur life.. and may u get what ever u ever wanted..

born with "gear" in my mouth....

This is a post after months.. the tittle of the blog is what i said to my dear friend after getting super happy... it was an answer to the question when he asked what im gonna do in future.. well i was born that way.. and with all the craze going on about managment degrees, im immuned to that.. i may get into a one of those "MBA" colleges but i will surely fail, every year after that and in every subject.. because "i was born with a gear in my mouth".. he he he he....

well im a man of numbers and logic.. i like to know how things work.. not manage them... physics books were and still are comparable to my all time favourite fictions.. im an engg.. can feel it in my veins.... i sleep off as soon as some one starts talking abt economics, credit and debit.... so this blog is three cheerss to all those guys and gals who were, are or going to be what we call Engineers......

Life!!!! do we know IT??????

well...
im not writing this coz some day some one will see it.. those are not my intentions... the last one i wrote was only viewed by the people whom i told abt it.. soo naturally i dont have any hopes on this one.. im writing it coz it helps me sometimes to write down stuff when my heart and mind are full of thoughts... and mine are right now... so here we go...

many a times i have felt that we think that we are capable of some thing when actually we are not!!!
we think and plan and think some more and look at it from a broader prospective and say it may be hard but in the end i wil come out a winner.. well, every one is a winner in a broader prospective.. on our death beds we hardly have any doubts or regrets.. (not that i have been on one.. :) )... its the tiny small details which we over look can kil us.. those small small problems which come up.. those seamingly innocent questions which we didnt accept... those tiny objections raised by important people.. its not that we dont overcome that.. some times it takes a small portion of time, other times they stretch.... its just the persistances with which they attack u thats kiils ur moral.. u ward off one another comes up.. in my eyes a better fighter is not some one who kiled a huge giant but a persone who stood his guard and stopped one tiny enemy after another for a infinetly long time.. most of the time its not the strenght but the stamina which counts... so ask yourself before u prepare for a war.. do i have that stamina??? how long can i take it?..

well i have asked the question and found out that yes i have.. when ever u are at the rock bottom, think of the sky u will see after pushing the earth aside... that one short visison will make u continue for a very very long time.... have faith.. in urself, in ur plans, and stategies, in ur co warriors and in that broader prespective when u said i can come out a winner....

and while all this goes on dont forget to enjoy the life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!