silence and loud voices..

I only write when im out of mind.. io guess thats the case now.. here i am.. listenning to one of my faviourtes.. behind blue eyes.. the songs describes my life.. my love is vengence its never freeeeeee.. ha ha ha ha ha ha.. i need a price for u to pay.. always do.. wil hurt u, will love u, will question u, will be there analyzing ur life when u dont want me to.. but i wont stop.. :).. kurt cobaim said "i better be dead before i turn into pete townshead", but i guess on this ocasion he was right.. my concious is not empty.. it will never be.. to every one i have ever heart.. thats the way it was uppose to be.. i am not sorry, i wont be.. thats how I am.. like it or hate it.. if u dont understand me listen to song...

a dear freind departed...

today is the worst night of my life.. i just cant beer it.. i had a very very very dear freind when i was in delhi.. his name was "shaswath das".. and today when i called him up.. his dad picked up the phone.. he told me in straight forward words that he has expired... my freind was a liutenant in indian army and i cant beleive what his dad was saying to me... my freind was here in bangalore last time in july august when he was here for a tournament.. we had a nice time during those days.. he was off too meeting his galfreinds and once he was back, we were just drinking and had fun.. i still dont believe that he is no more.. its not for me to digest the whole thing.. a man soo full of life some one who promised to abduct my love if she wasnt willing to comming along with me.. my brother you are going to heavenn,, no doubts about it.. i still cant beleive it.. i may join you soon enough.. i hope u doo.. coz this isint worth living.. rest in peace... what was i thinking.. miss you brother.. always will... sorry i wasnt there.. dammm..

RAAT KE MUSAFIR....

well.. i wrote something here.. which was good.. but it got deleted somehow.. I'm just trying to remember what i wrote.. it was good and inspiring.. unlike me.. off late i have begun to think why am i living.. I'm sorry if i only write about me.. but i cant help it.. its my favourite topic... this blog if any one reads it could be called as the best self centered blog.. but then.. is int it that all the humans have a feeling of self importance?? (else they wont bother writing a blog..) its just a wish to tell people what we did.. or how we did.. or how we feel.. but its all about our self.. any way i am straying away from a topic.. i planned to say that i loved this movie called gulaal.. go watch it if u haven't.. and do wait for credits to roll, because then it has the best song of the movie called "raat ke musafir tu bhaagna sambhal ke, potli mein teri hoo aag na sambhal ke.. " adios..

an inspiration..

whats an inspiration? it can be described by a million people by 100 of ways each.. i being a narcissists only talk about myself.. for me inspiration is a persons hatted towards me.. we all make choices.. we make choices which we know are wrong.. which we know will hurt some one who loved us a lot.. we make choices that make the most important people in our lives abhor us..

for me that detestation is an inspiration.. for me that scorn in the words of a human being who is the most important person in the world for me is like gasoline in an 1000 bhp engine.. i m a creature who lives on misery and hate.. I'm not a sadist nor a masochist.. Im just some one for whom making a decision is tough.. but keeping is NOT... may u have all the help u need in ur life.. and may u get what ever u ever wanted..